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At 65 degrees above zero:
- People in Florida turn on the heat.
- People in Alaska plant gardens.
At 60 degrees above zero:
- People in California shiver uncontrollably.
- People in Alaska sunbathe.
At 50 degrees above zero:
- Italian and English cars won't start.
- People in Alaska drive with the windows down.
At 40 degrees above zero:
- People in Georgia don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, and wool hats.
- People in Alaska throw on a flannel shirt.
At 35 degrees above zero:
- New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
- People in Alaska have the last cookout before it gets cold.
At 20 degrees above zero:
- People in Miami all die.
- People in Alaska close the windows.
At zero degrees:
- People in Arizona fly away to Mexico.
- People in Alaska get out their winter coats.
At 10 degrees below zero:
- Hollywood disintegrates.
- Girl Scouts in Alaska are selling cookies door to door.
At 20 degrees below zero:
- Washington, DC, runs out of hot air.
- People in Alaska let the dogs sleep indoors.
At 30 degrees below zero:
- Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
- Alaskans get upset because they can't start the snowmobile.
At 40 degrees below zero:
- ALL atomic motion stops.
- People in Alaska start saying, "Cold enough for ya?"
At 50 degrees below zero:
- Hell freezes over.
- Alaska public schools will open 2 hours late
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